National Coming Out Day

First, thank you for even clicking on this post. This story was very hard for me to live. But I want to share my experience with you. Maybe you are searching for the words to tell your family/friends, maybe you know someone who recently came out. Or maybe you just want to get to know me a little better. Either way, please remember that this is just my experience, everyone has a unique story.

Coming Out to Myself

When I was in high school (about 16 years old), I felt that there was something different within me. I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself. I met a nice guy when I was about 17 and we start dating. I dated him until I was about 20 yrs old. During that time, I came to the realization that, I was never meant to be with a man. When we broke up, I was heartbroken but life, ultimately, always goes on. I knew it was time to be honest with myself about my feelings.

Coming Out to Friends

Soon after my 21st birthday, I met the person who would become my first girlfriend. I knew I had to come out to my friends. I was nervous. But everyone accepted me. Of course some had questions but everything was FINE. They all hung out with my girlfriend, accepted us. It was great. Eventually, this relationship would end, all for the best.

During all of this, I was still living at home with my parents. Never telling them who I was dating. I had fully accepted myself but my parents are so old school and very closed minded people. Outside of my house, I was free. More people started to find out and eventually it got back to my parents.

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Coming Out to my Parents

I am about to tell you what happen when my parents found out. It was an extremely hard time in my life. I thought it was never going to get better, but it does.

I went to eat dinner with my parents. I was wearing a hat with patches on it. When we got home, my dad came to my room and asked me what “that” was, while pointing to the hat. My response was just that… It’s a hat. But he repeated himself which at this point, I was so confused. He then got really upset and asked “what’s on the hat?!”. There was a tiny rainbow patch. He was furious to say the least. Someone, had told him I was gay. This wasn’t about the patch. This was about me. We got into a huge fight. It was the absolute worst. Hearing my dad yell at me was bad but then, he told me to get out of his house. He kicked me out. I looked into his eyes and asked if he was sure about what he was saying. When I heard him say “Yes”, I called my bestie and she was there within minutes. I stayed the night at her place and went back to my parents’ house the next day while my dad was at work to collect all my stuff.

During all of this, my poor mother was a mess. She was trying to calm my dad down but nothing worked. When I came for my stuff, she was there. Still a mess. Confused. I told her that I would answer any question she had. She asked me a few questions. Nothing was going to help her understand. My parents’ view on being gay was that it was a disgrace. When I packed my things, I promised myself I would never go back to live there, I never did.

Post Coming Out

Time past, eventually I forgave my father and we had a relationship again. I never talked to my parents’ about my relationships. I had been living with my best friend for a few years, but she was buying a house so I decided to move in with my girlfriend at the time (who is now my wonderful wife).

I decided to tell my mom about my move. I did tell her it was going to be with my partner, to which she responded “I will never step foot in your house”. Two years went by and my now fiancee and I were looking to buy a house and get married. One random day in June 2015,  a law passed that same-sex couples could now get married, so on that Friday, June 26th, 2015, we went to the courthouse and got married. To hear more about our engagement check out this post or how 2015 was our best year click here

The following Monday, I hung out with my mother. I had to tell her. I was tired of living this way. I was never able to talk to my mom about my relationship. Everyone goes to my mom to talk, but her own daughter couldn’t. I was always torn between spending the holidays with my partner or my family. I was so tired of it. I was in the car with my mom and I just started talking. I told her that I was in a great relationship and that it was a shame I couldn’t talk to her about it. I felt a huge knot in my throat, but I told her… I got married. I told her she had two options, she could learn to accept me fully or she would no longer have a relationship with me. She said I was right, that she had to try. Fast forward 3 years later, anytime I see my mom or talk to her on the phone, she always asks for my wife. There’s no words that could ever describe the happiness I feel knowing that the two most important women in my life can now coexist.

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My Life Currently

It’s been 10 years since I moved out of my parents’ house. I still do not talk to my dad about this. But that’s his loss. My parents’ approval was something that I always looked for. But now I understand that I have to live my life for myself. I need to create my own family. I love the little family that I created.

If you are struggling, please know that it can get better. You have to decide to make it better. Thank you so much for reading this.

XO, Em

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