“So, when are you going to have kids?” “Do you plan on Adopting?” These are questions we were asked before we got married and immediately after. I wish people would understand that it’s not necessarily okay to ask this. Can I be a newly wed first? Before my wife and I got married, we struggled with the question “Are we going to have kids, or is it going to be just us two?”
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew, I didn’t want to bear children. If I were to become a parent, I would definitely adopt. I’m not sure where that came from. No one in my family has ever adopted or been adopted. I knew one girl when I was about 8 who was adopted, but that’s it. As I grew older, I thought I might be able to carry children. But honestly the thought of being pregnant just doesn’t seem appealing at all. Plus, there’s so many children in the world that need a home, I would feel selfish getting pregnant knowing there’s a child out there that I could provide for. My wife on the other hand, comes from a BIG family. And she loves children, she’s so good with them. You know when you love someone, you want them to be happy. And if she wanted a child, I would never deny her that opportunity. We were both on the same page about adoption. But she knew I wasn’t 100% on board about being a parent.
I feel like from a young age we are exposed to the idea – we grow up, get married and start a family. But when you get married, you have already started a family. Your spouse in now your family. Something to be mindful about. We are never really given that option to choose, if we want to have children, we are taught that we will have children.
That puts a lot of pressure on people. Especially if someone is not able to have children.
We offered to take care of my in law’s kids – a pair of 5 year old twin boys and an 8 year old boy. So for a whole week we had our nephews while their parents celebrated their 10 year wedding anniversary. We woke them up at 6:30 AM, did a whole morning routine, took them to school, picked them up, gave them a snack while they read, made and ate dinner as a family, had play time, took baths and put them to bed. If you’re a parent, you know the drill but if you’re not, then it can be intense. The boys were so good!!!!! They didn’t cry at all, they didn’t ask for their parents, one of them even wanted to come back with us after their parents came back. Once it was just us two again, we sat down and talked about the week. I knew, at that point, I didn’t want kids. But what about my wife? Everything went smoothly. I was certain, she’d want kids. To my surprise, that week helped her decide that she was fine without children.
This is a choice for us. We are saying that we are fine without children. I know this is going to be an ongoing topic. What if 5 years from now we feel differently. We’ll have that discussion then. If I could leave you with a few important things to be mindful about it would be: Let couples be newly weds, they don’t have to rush into having kids, unless they want to; It’s okay not to have children, we should be given that option; If a couple adopts, please treat the children no different then you would as if they were biological (the real parents = adoptive parents and no one else).
I know this topic is a bit different for me but I hope you learned a little more about me. Thank you as always for reading!
“Not having a baby might make things easier, but that doesn’t make it an easy decision”